December 25th, 1986 - Van Nuys

Merry Christmas

That's what people say at Christmas, right?
Except normally they have someone to say it to
They have friends and family
And they haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree
With a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.

They're not out of their minds, they're not writing in a diary
And they're definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon
I didn't speak to a single person today
I thought, why should I ruin their fucking Christmas?

I've started a new diary and this time I have a few new reasons
One, I have no friends left
Two, so I can read back and remember what I did the day before
And three, so if I die, at least I leave a nice little suicide note of my life

It's just me and you, diary
Welcome to my fucking life

Nobody would believe the shit that happens inside my head, it's haunted
Now that I've come down from the drugs
It seems like a sick play that I saw in a theater somewhere
Thirty minutes ago, I could've killed someone
Or better yet, myself